( lucky stars in our eyes )


owww its winter. i think i'd be more happy about it if i could actually afford winter clothes that didn't come from primark.
things have been alright, ive been reading lots and slowly but surely learning to cook. well that sounds slightly exaggerated i've learnt a few recipies and cook them occasionally haha. but its a start right?

i am relatively happy, but now i am in a relationship those once thought defeated insecurities have reared their ugly heads. ive been trying to recall the new and improved trains of thought im supposed to follow whenever one of these enter my head but to be honest its pretty hard. i'm not saying i've regressed or anything but when i was alone it was easier because there was nothing directly in my life that Could Go Wrong or hurt me, and now, well there is. i have been trying though, and i think i am better at dealing with it than i have been in the past. it just means i get heavy boots a lot more frequently than i have been of late. i don't mean to sound like everythings been crap because its not its been great. hes sweet and cute and funny and it feels like we're on the same level (i think i'm wearing blinkers again). and he's the nicest a boy has ever been to me i think (which makes me both happy and sad). we're going to the atp festival in may which im quite excited about. i was secretly extra happy when he asked me because it suggests we'll still be together then. (doesn't it?).

but yes life is good. dominic has moved back home so i hang about with him most of the time. we sneak out the back door to smoke joints once our parents have gone to bed, its hilarious. i'm going to see mariachi el bronx and THE POGUES in the next few months. its nicci's big 21st birthday party this weekend which im REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO its in some working mans club and she's got karaoke!!! on friday night deborah and i read aloud from her early teenage diaries and it was fucking hilarious. funny to think that even though we didn't know each other at that time we were both quite demented in the same ways.

I rise
I rise
I rise.

( paris when it sizzles! )

( now what the hell do i do?! )

i can't believe michael jackson's dead!! i can't believe it! i'm actually pure gutted! seriously its kind of sad he was probably the most famous person in the world! i used to listen to him loads when i was younger. infact i think i was gonnae write him a letter one time yeah one summer i just used to sit in and play my sega non stop all day and i used to listen to his album history at the same time and it got to the point when i was in bed trying to sleep all i could see when i closed my eyes were games being played and michael jackson songs in my head. and around that time i thought to write him a letter telling him how brilliant he was. now i think about it i was probably a bit wrong in the head then i think i was about 2nd or 3rd year aswell. fucksake. but yeah, i'm so gutted about it. work was playing his songs all day today and yesterday and there was a pure display set up at the front door with all his cds which i thought was MEGA SICK pure trying to make money out of someones death SOMEONE GREAT'S DEATH but of course noone gave a shit. ah well. i want to have an michael jackson party i might make dominic have one. and im going to learn how to moonwalk. GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE.

lots of things have happened since i last wrote. i turned 23 and had the best birthday ever. it was a scorching day and my dad and i went to the barras and i got a bunch of old crap like a glass bird ornament and an irish whistle and a charles and diana wedding memorial cup. AND ALSO a complete set of about 25 mac brushes for £30!! i dont even know what that would be retailing at but i think the brushes are about £12 individually...considering it IS the barras i suppose theres a chance they're fake but to be honest they look pretty geniune and even if they were fakes i don't care they're still brushes. then afterwards we went to the oldest bar in glasgow, the sarry heid and the barman gave me a tour of its history and told me about this ghost that haunts it and showed me all this old stuff like knives and a baby's skull. then we came home and had a garden party. later on i went out for cocktails with my friends and got drunkkk and danced. ohh.

the next day i went to the tommy burns tribute match at parkhead. it was the current celtic team against celtic legends - all these old players i remember from being young. it was kind of a shame because the current team won like 11 -2 or something haha. anyways it was SO GOOD but i lost the rag a bit waiting in the food queue at half time.

next day i went to the lake district for a week with my mum and her friend. i wasn't that impressed with the actual location - you know when you say somethings a poorman's version of something? the lake districts a serf's scotland. at the same time though it was nice being away you know when yr on holiday its asif time just stops and nothing matters. we got to visit beatrix potter's cottage which i was quite excited about. also as it turns out ali j was away to the lake district with her family the same week so i met up with her. i tried to make myself drink english ale but most of the time it was absolutely disgusting.

i went to see king creosote and take that. king creosote was ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL and i was sure i was probably in love and i was certainly inlove with one of his support acts player piano (but only because of his face). seriously though, king creosote was beautiful i didnt want it to end. i love scottish musicians! take that haha...my cousin had a spare free ticket going and she asked me. im not a fan and never have been but i wasn't doing anything that night and i thought pfft why not. and i was actually pleasantly suprised haha. despite having shit music they know how to put on a good show. it was a circus theme so there were real circus people and loads of ballons and fire and a giant mechanical elephant it was well fun. albeit a bit embarrassing...
( photo dumppp - warning all phone photos )


im graduating on wednesday and going to paris next sunday. whilst waiting for that to happen i've created an obsession with crosswords, watched alot of amazing films (wilbur wants to kill himself, the fall, looking for eric), read lots - anything from a book on jack the ripper to pride and prejudice - and spent copious amounts on my drasted topshop card.

PARISPARISPARIS.

i am free. i officially have nothing to worry about, nothing sitting rotting at the back of my mind. if only it could stay like this forever haha. my graduation is on the 2nd of july.

over a week ago i tried to climb a fence but got slipped and a metal spike went into my leg. i had to get three stitches. at the time it hurt like hell and i was crying and trying to faint haha and i had a weird limp for a few days but now its ok.( i obviously took photos. )
at the hospital a doctor came out and went 'whos the girl who got impaled on the fence?' and i had to put my hand up and go 'um me...'. people in work today were calling me gemma the impaler. i'm such a complete idiot. i'm getting the stitches out on tues (same day i have my new therapist incidently hmm what a fun day that will be) and apparently thats agony. good job i happen to like scars.

we've paid off our paris holiday. i actually cannot wait. and im so glad that this time going i'm alot more educated, i mean i've studied more so i will be able to appreciate all the different things i can see that i wouldn't have even known about last time. definitely going back to the louvre, and i'm going to make sure we visit mme de sevigne's house! ohhhhhhhhhh i cannot wait. I WISH I WAS GOING RIGHT NOW.

but first its my birthday, this saturday. all i want really is perfume. and i think most people will just give me money. will probably just go out with deborah, rachel and angus, not really interested in anything else. and have family, over of course. last night i was over at my cousins for my aunts 67th birthday and they were playing all this old irish music that i hadn't heard since i was a kid and it was really nice. also watched nacho libre - third time i'd done so this week. weird to get obsessed with a film you'd already seen about 2 years before.

going to the lake district before paris aswell. because we'll be away when its the june 4th election we have to vote proxy and get my dad to do it for us. i'm voting labour, for the first time. tactic voting i suppose, the tory threat is too great (and too scary) and the snp well..they're just a joke, an embarrassment. they don't have a bloody clue. and plus i get so angry with all the gordon brown bashing thats going on at the moment. the recession is fucking world wide! it was going to happen regardless of who was in power! it gets me so mad it feels like my blood is actually boiling. all parties do is slag the prime minister instead talk about their own party's policies. talking about how shit the leader is rather than talking about how good you'll be doesnt cut the mustard with me. david cameron can go fuck himself. was talking about the elections in work and so many people were saying they dont bother voting and i was getting so angry. i hate apathy and i hate laise faire and i hate stupid people. speaking of stupid people, i watched britains got talent tonight (because my mum wanted to). i couldn't believe my eyes. the country is seriously turning into the time bandits.

i fell in love with a boy at a party last week. he was irish and had a tooth missing. too bad i cant remember his name.

( syncedoche, new york )

so deborah and i went to see aidan moffat last week and it was absolutely amazinggg. turns out the support 'chase music' or something was malcolm middleton!! and he his set was comprised completely of pop group covers which was fun haha. i've never actually seen him live bar arab strap but he was really good i think he's playing soon i might go. deborah and i spotted aidan in the crowd and we shat ourselves but didn't do anything about it. he came on later with his band and he's lost so much weight, he looks skinny now and to be honest i didn't like it at all. he played 'how to get to heaven from scotland' in order and it was so lovely and beautiful - esp lullaby for an unborn child awwwwww. at the end he did a cover of 'red wine' by neil diamond and also a different version of 'the boy that you love' and i felt like i was going to burst. when it finished i wanted to shout SHIT I LOVE YOU SHIIIT. i wonder if during the gig he looked at me with his eyes so that his brain would have registered my face. i really want to know what him and his burd called their baby i like knowing names. maybe i should email and ask. and tell him to put weight on.

i got ( tattooed. ) thats the shittest blurriest photo but i'd already uploaded it before i noticed and i can't be sacked retaking one. plus its a mobile phone picture. and by the way the tattoo isn't squint it just looks like that because its hard taking a photo of yr ribs from that angle. its from samuel beckett's worstward ho. my mum hit the roof and my dad shrugged. she says ive not to get any more. i didnt tell her about the oscar wilde one i've been planning.

bumped into an old school friend in the street the other day and we're going out next week. shes invited other school people along too. its going to be a bit weird and im kinda nervous. should be good though. i found one of my old school friends on facebook i knew she already had a 2 year old but shes pregnant again! and has a proper house and i god couldn't be farther away from her situation. i dont even have a boyfriend. deborah rachel and i are in love with boys who work in lloyds tsb, costa coffee and stavka. looks like we'll be lifting alot of money to spend on coffees and cocktails then...

history of art exam tomorrow. i'm probably fucked for it but trying not to worry. kind of sad thats my learning over with to be honest. last week to 'revise' i went to the art galleries. i was walking around these big rooms myself when my phone, which i was listening to music through, froze on 'lapdance' by NERD. it felt so wrong to be with these works of art and to have the words 'dirrrrty dog ima ima ima dirrrrty dog' repeating in my ear.

( valentine )

its may. i am 23 in 27 days.

( this makes me pure greet )

I love edwin morgan so much that sometimes when i read his poems i feel like i cant handle it. i'm so proud to come from the same city as him. i love it here so much. i'm an getting ee cummings tattoo when i get paid. not decided what particular line but i've got a few in mind. i'm going to get it done with my friend nicci. she's getting a hello kitty with fairy wings.

i met my mum on her lunch yesterday and along with her friend we went for something to eat. i hate going into my mums workplace because she likes showing me off and introduces me to EVERYONE and i hate being the focus of attention and i hate having to pretend to be interested in all these random people i've probably met a million times already. at lunch we had a bottle of wine between the three of us and i got probably three quarters drunk, i think because it was quite early and i hadn't eaten. didn't say to either of them incase they thought i was weird. my mum and her friend are going to the lake district for a few days the beginning of june and they asked if i wanted to go and i said why not. might aswell. bit annoyed its the lake district i'd much rather we went up north of something. can't remember the last time i was in england. my dad says the lake district is the bit of england thats most like scotland and even then its pure nothing in comparision so i dunno why they wanted to go there. a change maybe. its not even beside the sea. oh well will be alright i suppose. my mums friend has a cute dog thats coming too. after lunch i went back to their work so they could show me photos of the cottage they'd booked. one of their workmates had been to this healthy living meeting or something that people in the office were being made to go to, and had this measuring tape that you put round yr waist to determine whether you were a healthy body size or not. everyone was joking about it cuz they're all like middle aged women that are kinda i dont know that kinda middle aged plump? mum announced that i should get measured and in my head i was pure 'shit no fuck off' but she did infront of everyone and it told us i am underweight which really pissed me off because i'm totally fucking not, i just have a small waist. and now she'll probably be watching me even more. fanxalot.

i was still semi drunk when i left them and as a result i went and spent loads on my topshop card.

so the other day i was walking down buchanan st with deborah. we walked past some shut down shop and just where the door was there was this GIANT seagull that was repeatedly walking into the glass, asif it thought its reflection was another bird or something. it looked bloody ridiculous and insane so i went OMG DEBORAH LOOK and pointed. i dont mean to sound racist but there was this big group of ethnic kinda middle eastern looking men just standing at the side infront of the shop window who'd all been staring at us as we'd been walking along the street. when i shouted LOOK! and we both stared at the bird one of them went to us in this horrible sleazy voice "you like that?". HAHA WHAT it was so hilarious and disturbing and angering at the same time. i hate disgusting men who use any excuse to talk to us. i hate being perved on full stop.

i have a visual test tomorrow and i'm really not prepared for it. same old same old. i'm not too worried because its at 3pm so i'll just get up early. and in any case its not worth THAT much and i still have the main exam to go to make up for it. my graduation is looming nearer and nearer. to be honest i'm not 100% sure i WANT to graduate. i love glasgow uni and i love going to lectures and i love learning things. i mean if i didn't got to uni i wouldnt love half the things i love. i've decided what i want to go afterwards though, and it does involve further education. i want to become a librarian haha (i think). theres a course i can apply for but you need experience for it so i'll take a year out and get a job somewhere then go next year. my dads been helping me loads and found a vacancy in the langside college library. doubt i'll get it but i might aswell apply. seriously i think that'll be the best job suited to me. surrounded by books all day mmmm. plus if i get really good and get a proper qualified job i might get to handle old important documents MMMM. SAAS are giving me shit about my funding though, because i dropped out and redid first year. they're asking for written doctor letters or i'm not getting it. its digging up all this old shit (i dropped out in 2005) and to be honest i'm getting really stressed out. hope it works out ok.

( some photos from past few months. none of them are good. )

i'm going to see aidan moffat on the 8th of may!!!! oh be still my pained heart.

how lovely! what a difference it actually makes to yr mood when the weather is good. despite losing an hour of sleep i love the fact the clocks went forward and its lighter later. actually feels like its getting near summer. thank god. i'm on easter break right now and got paid yesterday and bought a cute mint coloured playsuit today and the sun is still out. so things are gooood. good means food though which of course is not good and i feel sick with myself. yuckkkkk. rest of easter break i'll get back on it.

went up to deborah and rachel's new flat last night. its really lovely and right in the middle of town like actually on buchanan st haha its hilarious. they have a balcony too which looks over argyle st and we were on it this morning in our jammies when the sun was out and it just felt really nice and i felt happy. glad ive got somewhere new to hang about. its deborah's 21st in a few weeks have no idea what to get her.

today i thought it would be a really funny april fools to text kris going 'hey i have to tell you something, i think i'm pregnant...can you meet me to talk about this? shit.' but it completely fucking backfired because he tried to phone me straight away i didnt answer and he texted with something like 'where are you now? are you ok? have you taken a test or do you want me to buy one? i'll come get you now where to you want to meet?' and i just felt like the fucking bitch FROM HELL haha. i felt sooo guilty having to go 'errr actually APRIL FOOLS!' he said it was alright though, just a bit 'harsh'. oooh dear i still feel really bad. hes so sweet. deborah as an april fools texted her mum saying she just bought a kitten and her mum completely shat it and phoned her pure shoutin at her it was hilarious. i love my friends.

i've just discovered anais nin and can't believe what i've been missing out on.

http://www.peta.org/feat/newkirk/will.html

ACTUALLY READ THAT.
i am both very amused and angered at the same time. what a fucking loon. i hate 'animal lovers' so much seriously they make my blood actually boil. and im not talking about kids and that who like animals and have pets, i mean the proper fruitloops who really LOVE animals. campaigners and people who give to animal charities and shit. i actually want to throw something through my tv when those stupid rspca charity adverts are on during the day. if i was prime minister i'd make those adverts illegal. 1 in 4 children in scotland are in poverty and yet they're wanting people to give money to FUCKING DOGS??? fuck off! and i hate that people are dumb enough to fall for it, animal charities receive more than disabled charities. i guess its just another thing thats wrong with this country. i hate everyone man. anyone who holds animals in the same regard as humans are either insane or intellectually inferior. end of. and the fact that some people seem to think that animals are more deservant of aid than OTHER HUMAN BEINGS is actually disgusting. obviously i don't condone violence against animals and i believe in preserving endangered animals etc but i know when to draw a fucking line. i hate freaks like that woman there. she seems to be the epitome haha and clearly seriously not right in the head. i want to go to her human barbecue That one of my thumbs be mounted in a downward position and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, has gone against the changing tide of societal opinion and frightened and hurt animals in some egregious manner; hahaha giving a thumb down from beyond da grave.
hitler was an avid animal lover. says something about his state of mind..i'm just sayin.

in talking about things that are wrong with this country...RIP JADE GOODY. i was in work the next day so didnt get to see any of the news coverage til i got home, i'd been calling her the people's princess of the noughties for a laugh but then when i saw the news later on she'd been called 'a sort of princess di from the wrong side of the tracks' LOL HOW? I WAS ONLY KIDDIN ON. all these people greetin and leaving flowers for her, wtf? i bet you when its her funeral and the hearse is driving people throw flowers infront of it. its insane! the countrys insane! let's face it noone gave a shit about her til she got cancer. just like noone gave a shit about cheryl cole til her husband cheated on her. i hate max clifford with a passion and i hate constantly being surrounded by idiots. victoria said her mum was crying when she found out she'd died. HAHA.

oh man the other day in work near the end of my shift i got locked in the back stairs and had a pure panic attack. i was greetin and freaking out, eventually someone found me but EVERYONE working saw the state i was in. i'm absolutely mortified. everyone was dead nice about it but i just wanted to fucking die right then and there. i've come to terms with being a mental, but being a mental infront of other people is a whole different ball game. stupid retarded security guard for locking up and not telling anyone.

i absolutely love the slumdog millionaire soundtrack. this is one of my favourite bits of the whole movie, at the end when everyone just starts dancing.

http://news.aol.com/article/vampire-in-mass-grave/375073 HOW AMAZING!

last few weeks or so have been alright. got paid my xmas overtime finally and spent most of it in a week on absolute rubbish. sarah came through from edinburgh one weekend and stayed which was good! we went on one of my work nights out haha i got really drunk but it was a laugh and i think sarah had fun aswell. i'd forgotten how funny she is, would be good if she moved back but her fiance doesn't like glasgow so no such luck! i'm going to make a point of going through there sometime soon, well i guess since uni finishes up end of march? plus i want to try get tickets to go see waiting for godot in april - its not coming to glasgow!

it was that aye write festival last week. went to see jackie kay and janice galloway. i've never read anything by jackie kay except that group story thing she did with a bunch of authors in the guardian but she's a friend of my aunt. so she was going along with my cousin and my mum and so i decided to go aswell. i wanted to go see alisdair gray who was on straight after but they said no that we had to go get dinner together. anyways at the place i got to meet jackie in the foyer which i suppose was nice. my primary one teacher was there and i hate my mums incessant need to talk to every single person she knows who she sees. the concept of dingying is completely alien to her. my teacher obviously couldn't even remember my name. they were giving out drams of whiskey because jackie's thing was about whiskey i went to get one and the guy asked if i was 18. cool. it was about whiskey as part of that whole Homecoming thing everyones been banging on about, which btw i think is utter bullshit. a horrible snp propaganda money making scheme. anyways there was another author doing a reading aswell, i can't remember her name but she was clearly a lesbian, you know proper butch. jackie's gay too so the whole crowd was dyke city which was realllly funny. i spotted alisdair gray in the crowd and pointed him out to my mum, who screwed up her face and said he looked really clatty. i kept looking at him during the show and everytime i did he was scratching his head. i remember i read a short story of his one time about a guy with excema and the notes said it was based on the authors own experiences of the condition. my mum didn't like it when i told her that. at the end there were questions from the audience and someone said something about it being international woman's day and all the dykes pure started clapping and cheering it was absolutely hilarious. don't get me wrong, i wouldn't actually label myself a feminist but i consider myself more inline with that way of thinking than the average 22 year old but come on, the room was full of women anyways! whos gonnae hear it!
after it was finished we had to hang about to say bye to people. there were a few talks on during the festival about the spanish civil war and there were a few stands set up with information, artifacts etc. there was this big piece on this woman dolores ibarruri who was an important member of the spanish communist party and an big player in the what happened during the war. my aunt used to a member of the scottish communist party and she pointed to the picture of dolores and said she met her in moscow when dolores was in her 80s. how amazing. makes me actually want to do stuff with my life instead of sitting here rotting. we eventually went to dinner and i got to join in grownup conversation and hear about family secrets and in the end i didn't really mind missing alisdair. witnessed the universal phenomenon of NO NO I'LL GET IT, PUT YR MONEY AWAY! when it came to sorting the bill out. you know when theres more than one female eating and they all start fighting about who gets the privilege of paying. everyone ends up shouting at each other and sometimes even the physical pushing away of someones purse or notes. its hilarious. i wonder when i'm a proper adult if i'll do it. i always wonder if the losers are always secretly happy in their head when they don't have to pay. hmm might ask my mum later.

it was rachel's birthday on saturday. 23 LOL SHIT. she's doing something proper for it this weekend but because it was her actual birthday her deborah and i decided to go out. they came round here and we raided my parent's expensive proper booze (my mum was out) and danced around to missy elliot. we went to firewater and got veryyyy drunk i have a lot of memory blackouts. somehow we got talking to the manager and he invited us three to come sit with him with a bottle of champagne HAHAH. and we were doing tequila shots and everything else. i left around half 1 and i couldn't remember how i got home. i mean obviously i knew i got a taxi but i have no recollection of it whatsoever. i wasn't sure whether i shared it with rach and debz or what. its my medication that does it. i'm not supposed to drink at all. ah well it was funny anyways. rachel's booked a bit in a bar this saturday should be good.

angus and i booked our holiday, we're going to paris again in the summer! and pierre's going to be there at the same time which will be cool. hanging about with a proper parisien. i'm sort of seeing a boy from work. at first i was a bit para about going out with 2 people from work in the space of 8 months but i guess i don't really care anymore. i was also getting quite panicky and freaked out by the lovey dovey affectionate stuff but we had a talk about it and he's being really understanding and cool about it so i think its going to be ok if i just take my time.

fastest week ever. still a week to go before i get paid. i am unbelievably skint, i'm really going to need to stop it i'm sick of NEVER having any money cept the first week i get paid. its a pure joke. i'm getting my christmas overtime money this month and since my job is secure i'm going to buy an xbox 360.

oh yeah my job, well the 'announcement' was first thing at half 8, and apparently if you were 5 mins late you weren't getting in the building (LOL) well anyways i ended up through in stirling on tuesday night and eh was i fuck getting up and getting into town at that time on my day off so i decided that i would just wander in whenever and find out. three people texted me after half 8 though (yaasss) and hmv's bought over the remaining zavvi stores! well theres only 3 in the country left haha but aye RIP zavvi. who cares it was shit anyways. our shops shutting for a month so the shop fitters can come in and that and in the mean time we're getting sent to other hmvs in town for training. i'm going to the one on sauchiehall st tomorrow. its kind of exciting, plus hmv pay well more than zavvi did. all round good news.

we went out the other night and had so much fun. got very drunk but this time i could actually handle it and managed to stay out the whole night. deborah, rachel and i went to some bar first to wait on everyone and we walked past a group of i dunno early 30 year old men who looked that kinda tough/neddy way if you know what i mean. well anyways one of them pure went THERES SOPHIE ELLIS BEXTOR! and everyone turned round and looked at me even other randoms in the bar it was well embarrassing. and i was wearing those really high shoes again and i kind of stumbled at the same time. omg. when we got to the club the queue was absolutely massive and apparently it was one in one out but luckily i know the guy who owns the indian restaurant right next door (well my family does) and he must have been closing up or something but when he saw me waiting he went & said something to the bouncer and we all got to jump the queue. so good COOL STUFF LIKE THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME. the place was packed but we still managed to get served ok so we just danced and drank. met a guy from school and he was goin bald. i met some guy martin he was pretty hot and i let him buy me a few drinks. he kept trying to kiss me though and i dunno yeah he was hot but i wasn't into getting off with a random in a nightclub. i think i'm pure past that stage. i did kiss him later on outside though haha. he kept saying things like 'oh yr too pretty for me' which at first was flattering but after about the 3rd time he'd said it i was like aye shutup i dunno if he was just trying to compliment me or was wanting me to turn round and tell him NAH SSHHH YR SOOO STUNNIN HEHEHEHEH but it was so offputting. he put the nail into his own coffin when he texted me when i was in the taxi going home saying (and i quote) "alright u to pretty to text me but how u gettin on anyways". ok there are 3 things wrong with that text -
1. the grammar and textspeak. i HATE textspeak i think it just makes you look really stupid and i would especially never use it in a text to someone i didn't know that well. and considering he was like 24 it makes it even worse. seriously its one of my pet hates and i properly judge people on it. if a guy puts 'lol' in one of his first texts to me i like him less by about 25%.
2. how you getting on?! shutit what you talkin about you saw me about 5 minutes ago.
3. the 'too pretty' thing again is just fucking embarrassing.
just shows you that having a hot face isn't enough for me. look how high my standards are! am i just being fussy? :| needless to say i didn't reply. ah well new pranky number i guess. in the taxi home rachel phoned the guy she likes in work and they're going out for a drink now! ah such a good night.

oh i found a picture of ( battered rihanna. ) omg wtf look at her nose. i read in some magazine jayz said 'hes messed with the wrong crew' and that 'hes a walking dead man'. i wish someone like jayz had my back. chris brown must be one of the most hated people in the world right now. hes completely fucked his career. if i was him i'd just kill myself. DO IT CHRIS.

three people with hearing aids got on my bus today at the same stop and they weren't even together. wtf.

WHY WHY!!! fucksake. i've spent sooo much money on it recently. for no reason. i bought a cardigan and shoes last week and yesterday i bought more shoes and a skirt. the skirt though ive decided to take back its a bit big (and a size 8! not too excited though its a high waisted skirt and i have a small waist in comparison to everything else) so i suppose thats £30 i can get back. the shoes i bought these sky scraper heels (that just manage to make me normal height) and wore them out and i was totally crippled by the end of the night. was really good night though, we went to the buff club i hadn't been there in ages and remembered how good a club it actually is. a bit busy though. we met MICHELLE MCMANUS! haha and i got introduced to her victoria knows her or something. shes lost so much weight and now just looks like a normal fat person instead of an OBESE person. victoria says shes a size 16. my feet are so sore today. WHY DID I DO IT?

found out one of my male pals likes me. not just fancies but REALLY REALLY likes me. i'm not in the least interested and i feel sick about it. and i'm so angry i thought we were just friends and now its all ruined. thats it really decided now - males and females CANNOT be friends. this is going to sound dramatic but honestly right now i cant think otherwise, i've not had a male friend who hasn't ended up fancying me or where something hasn't happened between us (obviously not including gay pals) (and remember i dont exactly have hunners of pals). its pure sick. you can't be friendly towards a guy without him taking it the wrong way. and its so infuriating because i actually get on better with boys. they're all fucking idiots. the informer has sworn me to secrecy and made me promise to act like nothings wrong but its going to be so hard. i actually feel sick. i know i probably sound like a major bitch but im just sick to the back teeth of stuff like this happening. i get all these people liking me but its NEVER someone i like back. NEVER. you'd think the laws of fucking average would have played out by now. twisted fate. me and a guy im pals with in work were talking about this horror film thats coming out and i was going to ask if he wanted to go see it. not going to bother now.

been watching peep show nonstop the past few days. in the episode where mark follows that girl down to uni and kids on to be a pupil, at one point jez phones superhans and you get a clear shot of jez's number coming up. only for like half a second. well anyways we rewound and paused it and phoned the number thinking it was just going to be a dead line but it actually RANG! we couldnt believe it haha noone answered but we kept trying it at random times. then yesterday someone picked up and dominic went in an english accent 'alright jez?!' and the guy on the other went 'FUCK' and hung up. i'd like to think that we're not the only losers to try phoning that number and infact the guy has been pestered for the whole life of his phone with people asking for jez.

i'm obsessed with tv on the radio the now.